my heart is broken

my heart is broken
i loved her crazy ways
i was named for her
born on her birthday
now with questions unanswered
and words unsaid
my heart it hurts
why is she dead?

gramma june, if i could, i'd have
watched you last night to make sure you were safe
and talked to you about the election and all that's at stake
i want it undone, i want someone to blame
i don't get it, what happened, you were well, you were sane
then out of nowhere, this unexpected word
you were amazing, huge heart, song like a bird

dear God, i've never dealt with death before
i don't know what to do, how to feel
my soul, it is sore
and bruised and confused and unyielding and sad
and I won't lie, it's wrong, and i'm sorry
but i'm mad.
i'm mad at the world and mad at myself
for everytime i could have called her or wrote her
but put those thoughts on the shelf
to whatever i thought was more important or less work
now i feel selfish and wrong and sorry
and a jerk.

but i loved her with all of my heart
i still do,
and i hope, i pray, that she knows that,
as do You.

so I ask that you watch over her, and protect her
she's Yours,
my grandmother, my friend, your daughter,
before You my soul pours.