and i don't understand

and i don't understand 

why things are this way

for me, a pattern

of soul mates of

separation

of strain

of love

and i don't mean to question

the purpose it serves

for me, my life

my purpose here

on this earth

from Him above

and i don't mean to be ungrateful

i'm not, i'm blessed

so dearly blessed, and

happy, content

and utterly

alive

but why, again?

do i have to spend

nights on the phone

watching two as one

as i sit alone

miles away

from my

other

part

the risk? the chance?

one i must take

but happiness i

just can't fake

and i'm scared,

so scared

of doing this 

once more

because i have, i've tried,

it's failed

before

but if it's meant to be

it will

i won't keep score

it's win

or lose

but still,

a chore.